Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't trust your balls anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize