I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
