and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
