Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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