I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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