if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
