Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
