the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
