Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
