made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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