I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
