Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
