I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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