***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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