toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
