I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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