He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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