So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
