So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
