I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
