i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
