Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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