jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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