apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
