Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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