singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can u get pink eye on your cock?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
