You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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