I'm gonna have a badass scar
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
