I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
