I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize