i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
