his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
