is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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