I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
