what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize