y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
