but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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