I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Everyone says I win the strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
