i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
