she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
