He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize