My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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