I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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