guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
