watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
