We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
