It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize