A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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