eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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