bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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