Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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