this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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