I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
