Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
