I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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