broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my being single is dangerous.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
