he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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