if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
