oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
