saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
