I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
