I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
