I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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