i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
