I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
