So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
