There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
